We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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