White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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