I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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