It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
