Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
