Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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