Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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