Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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