Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
