I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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