i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
