I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
