my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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