I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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