I could have mohawked her pubes.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
i think my cat just said my name.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
