random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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