Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
