i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
