I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
