Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
