i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
