community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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