The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
