somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
