She is in my trunk
I want to have your abortion
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
