we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
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