you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
My ass is underappreciated
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
