You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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