Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
