Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
