girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize