Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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