sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
