Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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