Small penises have feelings too.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize