i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
