Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
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