community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
