id be glad to
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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