Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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