i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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