I just pynch a tree in the face
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
