I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
