i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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