I'll bet she douches with gravy.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
