barbara walters just said penis...
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
