What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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