There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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