dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Randomize
