Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
