All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
