Whod you bang
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
