I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
