Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Text me some of your sweat
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
