After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize