It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
