Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
