I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
