I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
