TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
