I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize