I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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