I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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