I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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