So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you win again, gameday.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
