Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
