Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
