Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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