for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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