just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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