My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize