Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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