Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
