Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
