yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
