Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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