that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
