you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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