Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
