We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
