The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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