I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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