yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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