he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize