capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
