I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
