Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
