Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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