can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i came on her dog
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
