So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize