She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Randomize
