Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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