I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
