dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize