My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
