i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
