Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize