i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
