Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
