8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
