i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You are a genius and a whore.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
