he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
