Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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