Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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