nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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