i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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